Although the basic emotional stages of divorce are essentially the same for both men and women, there are practical differences in the recovery period and these differences are mainly rooted in cultural habits.

North American society has undergone a quiet revolution. Most important has been the economic independence of women. In the 1940s only one in seven married women worked outside the home. Now in the 2000s, more than half the women return to work after having children. Women have no choice but to work, since their families have come to depend upon two incomes.

Breaking up is hard on the female pocketbook

Despite these changes, men still see themselves as the primary breadwinner for their family and women find themselves primarily responsible for child-raising and keeping house. Children seem to have the primitive capacity to activate what a mother does and what a father does. As a result, by the time you split up, you and your spouse might be on very different economic planes. In most situations the husband earns more money. The bitter fact of breaking up is that divorce makes you poor, especially if you're a woman.

Research has shown that women on average experience a 15-30% decline in their income after separation. Men, however, may see a 10-15% increase in their income. Since children usually live with their mother after the break-up, this economic disparity not only affects the suddenly single mom but also the children. More than 40% of women are not awarded child support. Only about half of the women awarded support get the full amount from their ex-husbands. Sometimes you have to sell the family house, adding the stress of a move to the trauma of divorce.

Economic instability is a constant source of anxiety as you try to rebuild your life. Usually when a couple breaks up there just isn't enough money in the marriage pot for two separate lives.

What do you do? Some of the common responses to this scenario are:

v Move home with mom and dad

v Take in a boarder

v Buy a smaller house

v Rent a home or an apartment

v Get a job

v Continue to have your lawyer try to extract more money from your husband (and the lawyer gets the money, not you)

v Take a second job

v Borrow money

v Refinance your home getting further into debt

v Use your credit cards more

v Cash in retirement savings

v Hope you can marry someone rich next time

The truth of the matter is that all these options dis-empower women. None of these choices really help you use your resources wisely. You need to focus on both an inner game and an outer game to money management. Creating more problems is not the answer. The answer lies in using creativity and understanding your inner money game to develop an empowering exit strategy.