If you've been married for any length of time, it's likely you and your spouse suffer from decision constipation - the inability to make a decision on anything without having a long debate or shelving it for later; only to find later never comes. Or perhaps this experience is shared by just my spouse and me. But gentleman's bet the next time you are sitting with your spouse and he or she asks, "What do you want to do?" you'll answer, "I don't know, what do you want to do?" The question will circle several more times before you settle to...watch TV.

In this second part of the three part series that will explore the divorce debate and provide tips on how to strengthen your military marriage, we'll uncover another one of the "marriage undertows": Indecision.

In the previous article, Part I Overcoming Complacency, I mentioned observing a couple who made their divorce well known to everyone in the local coffee shop. They lost the romance, refused to make a decision to overcome their complacency and the result was a two inch stack of demands to make the divorce final. They were dragged down by the undertow.

While complacency seems like an obvious detriment to your relationship, INDECISION is a bit sneakier. If you don't face this challenge in your relationship, you're ahead of the bell curve, but for most that have endured deployments, multiple kids, financial pressures and the "surprises" of every day life, the spontaneity that runs rampant during the courtship often seems to fall victim to exhaustion and indecision in married life. It doesn't happen overnight. This indecision that starts with "what do you want to do" and fails to get an answer often works its way into"indecision" about the relationship and later culminates into a DECISION to no longer make the marriage work - especially when all the issues have been magnified by a deployment.

When Mike deployed to Iraq, he had to make life and death decisions. Tonia, his wife, suddenly had to make decisions at the home front that were typically in "Mike's department." Out of absolute necessity and survival, daily decisions were made without their spouse's input. When Mike returned, both he and Tonia shared that they were living separate lives in the same house - not really caring what the other did. Indecision about each other had crept in. When I asked Tonia if it was a fight to keep their marriage together, she answered, "fight is definitely the word I would use." When I asked if they had considered divorce, she said in the eight years they had been married, they had never discussed it until Mike's return. "It would have been so easy and even acceptable since 80 percent of Mike's platoon had divorced." Comfort in numbers. Fortunately they had a tight network of those who support marriage and were there to help.

Here are a few things they did to rekindle the flame and push INDECISION out:

1. They revisited the vision they had for their marriage when they first got married. All of us marry our spouse for a reason. We have a vision for our life together. Go back to that vision and rebuild the dream. It won't be easy but it is vital.

2. They made the decision that INDECISION would have no part in their relationship. Oh they still debate on "what to do" but with regard to their relationship, they are certain that divorce is not an option.

3. They write each other a note every day. This is a great idea and one that I have been doing for years. Every morning before I start my work day, I jot a note to my wife and my daughters. They each get their own note, tailored to them. I usually share with my wife how I'm feeling about us and provide her with some encouragement for the day and with my daughters I share with them how an event or something they did the previous day made me feel.

Overcoming Indecision will only be countered by the amount of effort you put into making your marriage work, despite the circumstances. Look for ways to keep the hope and romance in your relationship. If you don't, someone else will and the indecision will be replaced by a decision to divorce.

Part III - Overcoming Unaccountability